If you bother to take a look at Wikipedia’s list of psychotherapies you will find a rather impressive number of them. More so when you think there’s an even greater number of less official therapies hiding behind the self-improvement and quack banners or under the more esoteric philosophy or psychology labels. And then you have special diets, exercises, religions, crystals, and anything else you may stumble across. Let’s list some psychotherapies here to fill space:
- Abreaction therapy
- Adventure therapy
- Attack therapy
- Brief psychotherapy
- Contemplative psychotherapy
- Dance therapy
- Future-oriented therapy
- Nude psychotherapy
- Primal Integration
- Wilderness therapy
Marcus Aurelius looking a bit pale
Now you would think that all psychotherapies have the intention of bring balance, peace and contentment to troubled souls, so what does it mean that there are so many psychotherapies all competing with each other for the chance to cure your ails? Why would you choose one over another? If I’m feeling run down how can I or a kind GP whether I need to indulge in Dance Therapy or just rip my clothes of and get Nude and talk seriously with another naked person. Or run off into the Wilderness? Now I am sure that the majority of these therapies (and self-improvement programs and diets and religions) are well meaning. Probably the founders have put a great deal of enthusiasm into the development. But what are they bringing to the table that the others didn’t? Does anyone really have anything to add to what the Hindu’s knew 3000 years ago, or what Marcus Aurelius jotted down 2000 years ago?
Why is there after all these thousands of years still a steady stream of self-help books and new therapies? How naive are we to think that after 3000 years the next flavour of the month, buy-one-get-one-free book we pick up while waiting for our flight is going to be the one that changes our lives forever? The one that will remove those nagging doubts, that sense of apathy, disillusionment and discontent that rise regularly for no apparent reason?
The solution? I propose the one therapy to rule them all – Any Random Therapy [(C) 2015 – Former Dundee Man]. Any Random Therapy (or A-RanT for short) is an umbrella over every therapy, philosophy and self-improvement guide that ever was and ever will be. Any Random Therapy says there’s some value in every one of these well meaning practices and to be honest it doesn’t really matter one iota which one you choose so long as you do it wholeheartedly and carry a sense of hope into the exercise. To quote the great philosopher and tunneler Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption: “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” So as you lug that new 500 page tome out of the airport book store, ready to fly it thousands of miles back to a place on the shelf, unread, alongside all the others you bought over the years, remember it’s the hope it temporarily instilled that made the purchase worthwhile (and not forgetting the the latest Stephen King novel you also picked up as part of the buy-one-get-one-free deal).
Any Random Therapy removes the need to study and carefully select a therapy from the multitude of offerings – a process which in itself causes needless stress and worry. Any Random Therapy simply allocates you with a random sub-therapy from the boat loads of existing therapies or a new one that you or your Any Random Therapist just invented. Once the benefits and novelty of a certain sub-therapy wear off you simply select another. No need to fret about looking flighty and insecure, hopping from one therapy to another, because you are a loyal follower of one single therapy: Any Random Therapy. You’ve stuck with the program. You know it makes sense and you’ve staked your sense of self to it. A person who lives with purpose and confidence is half way there (don’t ask where there is).
Of course one will eventually understand that there are so many therapies out there because the creation and nurturing of a new therapy or self-help program is in its self the ultimate form of therapy. Viktor Frankl’s Logotherapy nails this with its concentration camp inspired “Man’s Search for Meaning” philosophy which essentially boils down to “with a strong enough why we can survive any how”. So what can be a greater Why than the creation of a new psychotherapy that will finally save mankind from its self and from destroying the planet?
Any Random Therapy’s jewel in the crown is “Therapy Therapy”. What the hell is that? It means you enter a therapy program with the intention of creating a new therapy and becoming its chief evangelist. Therapy Therapy provides all the tools you’ll need:
- Clothes. From shiny suit to woolly body warmer, we have it all
- Persona – overconfident, smug bastard or smirking wise old man, we’ll help you develop your character
- Dental treatment for that blinding dazzle
- Buzzword and acronym generator apps for Android and iPhone
- Automatic website builder
- Third world sweatshop based ghost book writer
- Webcam based 6 DVD boxset movie maker software with teleprompter
- Twitter follower booster
- Disciple recruitment drive
- Franchise system – spread your message around the world
- Legal advice
Don’t know about you, but I am feeling much better all ready!