Today David Cameron will be rocketed into Edinburgh to teach the Scots some lessons before the giant bungee cord attached to his back accelerates him safely back to London at speeds close to the speed of sound (but not higher as this would reduce the chances of hearing his parting words).

The Prime Minister will explain that there is not a shred of evidence for the claims of scaremongering made by the Yes Campaign.  Instead he will outline how Project Fear is quite a different beast altogether from scaremongering.  “Scare implies a short shock, like if I were to suddenly appear in your bedroom at night with a knife held between my teeth.  Contrast that to Fear which implies a longer lasting, simmering existential angst.  For example, if Scotland were to be independent then every single business including the baker at the end of your street would immediately pack up and move down to England.  And that the oil will run out in 40 years and then what are you going to do?  Or that aliens will attack Edinburgh the day after you get rid of Trident.  Or that you won’t ever get to watch Dr. Who again, not even on DVD. Yes that’s fear, dear Scots, and that’s what I am talking about.”