Top reasons for England to want independence from Scotland.

1. Scotland would vote for a goat if you pinned a red rosette to it.
2. Scotland has had more than its fair share of MPs and ministers.
3. Scots MPs can vote on English only laws.
4. Scots are idiots having free higher education … everyone knows that the lower classes should be kept out or at least lumbered with massive debt. Keeps the poor in their place.
5. Scots are embarrassing pro-European idiots … everyone knows that only the USA can be trusted.  And the European Union has ensured the longest period of piece in Western European recorded history.  Where’s the fun in that? We’re running out of time that we can still ride on the glory of World War II.  And that damn European Court of Human Rights really gets in the way of progress…
6. Without nuclear weapons Scots will be unable to defend themselves against inevitable Godzilla attack. Don’t want to be associated with such spineless, utopian, skirt wearing people.
7. Without nuclear power Scots will be a bunch of poodle walking, blouse wearing, flower sniffing, tree hugging…  Embarrassing to be associated with such people.
8. Scots want an all inclusive, well funded health care system called the NHS. Everyone knows that an exclusive, expensive US style insurance based system is far more effective.
9. Ayn Rand and Milton Friedman proved that trickle down liberalism is the only economic model that works.  The poor must be punished.  The bible says so.  The only Scot who understood this was Scotland’s own Adam Smith … after heavy re-interpreting and misreading.
10. Thatcher proved that no civilized country has any need for a manufacturing base or for exports to exceed imports. Only requirements are a giant casino banking system (financial services) propping up the accounts and keeping the already wealthy rich.  Scot’s don’t understand this.
11. Scotland supports any football team that is playing against England.  England vs Germany?  Becks beer half price and free bratwurst all round.
12. The only thing that Scotland’s football team wins are Fairness Awards.  What the hell is that?  Best fans?  Who cares?  Scotland can’t even take on Johnny Foreigner effectively.
13. Scots relegated their biggest football club to the Third Division just because they had some financial issues.  The powerful should be effectively shielded from the laws of commoners.
14. Malcolm Tucker and Jamie McDonald.
15. Oil is a disgusting substance that destroys the environment.